Bakura's first trip to the petting zoo!
by Psycho BakuRyou
Summary: Bakura being the little kid that he is, is taken to the petting zoo! With Bakura being stupid in animal sounds and getting all his animals confused...how will the animals behave with Bakura's retardedness?


Bakura's first trip to the petting zoo!

"Ya-a-a-a-a-wn!" Bakura yawned stretching in his be. He scratched his head and his arm and went to wash his face.

"Good morning Bakura. How are I doing today?" Bakura asked himself looking in the mirror. "Oh, I'm doing fine." "You're fine? Really. No doubt about it." He said chuckling and washing his face.

"Ryou! We're out of soap!" Marik screamed.

Bakura lifted his face slowly and dramatically from washing his face. He turned his head slowly to his shower. "Let that have been my imagination. Let that have been my imagination." He prayed tiptoeing to the shower curtain and opening it quickly.

"Ahhhhhhh! I'm naked! I mean…hey. I'm naked." Marik said sitting up from his bubble bath.

Bakura's gasp quavered. "M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my b-b-b-bath! Oh my god! I'll never be able to bathe again!" Bakura cried watching the little germs spread all over the walls and the tub and shampoo bottles.

"It's not like you take a bath anyway." Ryou said handing Marik some soap.

"Not the Dove soap!" Bakura cried.

Marik washed his arm and the germs attacked the soap.

"No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!" Bakura cried hysterically running out of the bathroom.

"Need anything else?" Ryou asked.

"Company." Marik said patting the bath water.

"Hahahahaha! No." Ryou said closing the door behind him.

"Call Bakura. He knows he wants me." Marik called from the bathroom.

Ryou walked into the kitchen and got slammed to the wall by Bakura.

"Did you see that "THING" in my bath! Who allowed that germ infested animal in MY bathtub! I surely didn't! And another thing, my soap! You know I love Dove soap!" Bakura screamed.

"You don't even take a bath!" Ryou screamed.

"Well, when I'm in the mood I—

"Which is never!" Ryou screamed.

"Do you wanna start something Ryou!" Bakura asked angrily.

"Bring it bitch!" Ryou said putting his hands up.

Bakura flicked Ryou and had a flicking attack.

Ryou slapped his face and stopped the fight.

Bakura had his face red his eyes watery. He was sniffing. "Why did you have to hurt me so hard! I thought we were friends Ryou!" Bakura cried dropping to the floor in a ball sucking his thumb and rubbing his face.

Ryou couldn't help but feel sorry. He looked on the table and saw a knife.

_Bakura's…defenseless…now's my chance to strike. No! No! Ryou Bakura, Bakura...—_gags—_unfortunately is your friend. Don't be tempted to kill…again. Calm yourself._

Bakura stood up and grabbed a mirror to check his face. "Ow! You hurt me hard! Boo!" Bakura said giving Ryou a thumbs done. ((Remember in kindergarten those "Boo's" thumb up was you're my friend thumb down means you're not…same situation))

"Oh wow. I'm afraid of a finger." Ryou said sarcastically.

Bakura started watching TV with 30 pounds on ice on his cheek to make the "swelling" on his cheek go down.

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Bakura your cheek is not swollen. You're fine. You're exaggerating." He said.

"Oh yea! Well shut up! You slap like a bitch!" Bakura cried.

"You know what…I know what will cheer you up." Ryou said.

"A dead Marik?" Bakura asked making his eyes big and starry.

"No. The petting zoo." Ryou said.

"Sounds horrible." Bakura said trembling in fear.

"Oh no it's fun. Really…it is. You get to pet little animals and feed them. I know how much you love animals." Ryou said patting Bakura's head.

Bakura remembered all the past animals he had that were now dead because of him. "I love animals." He said.

"Let's go put some clean clothes on and we'll get going." Ryou said packing a leash a collar and pepper spray. "Ah, this to." He said packing a whip. "Damn goats always after my clothes."

Bakura dressed in a nice little outfit holding a big lollipop.

"You look like a 6 year old Bakura." Ryou said.

"And! You have a problem with 6 year olds? At least I don't look like a 1 billion year old." Bakura said walking wit his head up high and his eyes closed to walk away from Ryou stubbornly. He bumped into a wall and started crying.

"Everything…everything is so mean to me Ryou!" He cried hugging Ryou.

"Today is gonna be a lo-o-o-o-ong day." Ryou said to himself patting Bakura.

"You didn't think you'd leave without me did you?" Marik asked running up to them.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Bakura screamed.

"Yea I know something really smells." Marik said.

"Like you!" Bakura said blocking himself with Ryou's body.

"He's using that boy as a shield. Clever kid. He looks stupid…but has a brain of a prodigy." The German germs said.

Bakura was making spit bubbles and spitting himself.

"You call that smart?" The Germs asked.

"I do. Indeed." The German germ said.

"Keep an eye on him. I have a great feeling we will be triumphant today." The German germs said.

Bakura entered the bubble costume and went into Marik's car. "Ryou why the fuck haven't you bought a fucking car yet! I'm dying in here!" Bakura said slapping the bubble so the Marik germs wouldn't stick to it.

"Well, maybe if you actually help work…we'd have a little more money!" Ryou said angrily.

"Well I'm sorry you work at a stupid job. I have a much more difficult job than you Ryou. Sitting on my as is hard work especially when you're watching TV and you have the remote on the kitchen counter and nothing to help you get it. Ever thing about that? No consideration man. No consideration. I say making computers is soooo hard. Pssh. Not as hard as having to get a drink from the fridge when you're like 30 miles away from the fridge." Bakura said angrily folding his arms.

"Marik hit that fence. Do it really hard. I feel this deathy smell in the air." Ryou said.

"I can't do that Ryou. I could kill that ant." Marik said pointing to an ant.

Ryou sighed. "I could always commit suicide." He said.

"Ryou don't talk like that. I know you suck and all and you'll never be anything, but a hobo in your life, but think about me man. I'll be the best there is in the world. You'll be proud to say that's my Bakura…why couldn't I be as handsome and smart and…successful as him?" Bakura said.

"Oh yes why can't I be as handsome or as smart or as successful? You bastard." Ryou grumbled.

Marik ran over some ducks when they reached the petting zoo and parked in a handicapped section.

"Ooh sure! You run over ducks, but not a fucking ant." Ryou said.

"Dude…ants have feelings." Marik said.

Ryou sighed. "I'd like to be that duck." He said.

Bakura ran ahead of everyone and skipped along the fields.

He looked around and saw some cows. The cows were eating hay and making chewy noises.

"Oink. Oink." Bakura said trying to communicate with the cows.

"Mooo." The cow said.

"No Oink." Bakura said.

"Noo?" The cow said.

"Oink…oink…comprende?" Bakura asked the cow.

"Mooo. Moo." He cow said.

"Oink! Oink! You fucking cow! It's oink! Not moo! Oink! Damn they mixed breeding this cow! Fucking cows." Bakura said angrily. He stayed and watched them eat hay.

"Hmm…I wonder." Bakura said grabbing some hay and sticking it in his mouth. "Hmm…not bad." He said going for more.

A cow went up to him because he was eating ou of his tray.

"Moo! MOOO!" The cow mooed loudly.

"Oink." Bakura said.

"Mooooooove over bitch." The cow said.

Bakura lifted his head.

"Oink me?" Bakura asked.

"Moo" The cow said.

Bakura shrugged.

"Oink oink oinky." He said.

The cow stood on two feet and crossed its hooves. "Are you some sort of retard! Cows go mooo. Pigs go oink!" The cow said.

"No. Moo moo's go oink." Bakura said.

The cow mooed loudly and insanely and called it's boyfriend.

A bull came out.

"Oinkers!" Bakura said going up to the bull and petting it.

Bakura snorted. "Can you hear me?" He asked.

The bull sniffed.

"I…I see dead people." Bakura whispered.

A ball flew out of nowhere and hit Bakura's face.

"Ow!" He cried hysterically.

The bull…was triggered. It went crazy and started tossing Bakura all over the place like a wet blanket.

"Make it stop! Make-----it------stop!" Bakura cried getting tossed into a corner.

"This was for calling me oinkers!" The bull said throwing Bakura up in the air.

Bakura waved his arms and legs in the air dramatically screaming in fear. He landed with a thud on the ground on some cow shit.

"Awww! Bull shit!" Bakura screamed.

"I believe that was cow shit." A farmer said walking away.

Bakura wiped his face and grabbed a stick and went back to see the bull.

"Why did the bull cross the rode?" The bull asked a flock of girl cows.

"Because he saw Bakura ran at him with a stick!" Bakura screamed charging at the bull with the stick he saw on the floor. The twig snapped.

"We have a score to settle." Bakura said to the bull.

The bull beat up Bakura again sending him flying in the air dramatically again.

Bakura growled angrily. He went back to see the cows and ignored the bull.

"Free milking lessons." The farmer said.

"Oooh! I wanna milk the oinkers!" Bakura said jumping over the fence and sitting on a stool.

He grabbed the cows utter. "I'm doing it!" He said happily.

"Actually…you're not…it's pissing on you." The farmer said.

Bakura looked at his hands. Full of shit and piss. "Fucking cows! Burn in hell!" He screamed walking away angrily.

He went over to the horse section to pet the horses. "Aww pwetty horsies!" He said petting them.

Some change fell out from his pocket when the horse was biting his pants. "Ooops. Can't forget that change." He said going under the horse.

"Shit time." The horse said shitting on Bakura's head.

"Fuck! More shit!" Bkura screamed. He kicked the horse's leg crippling it and killing it. He shrugged. "Let's go find another non-shitting horse." He said.

He saw a white stallion run around in a fenced area.

His eyes got big and starry and watery. "It's…so…beautiful." He said walking up to it.

"The horse looked at him sadly. "Aww. You're sad. Well I'll set you free." Bakura said sitting on the horse.

"Hiya!" He screamed kicking the horse's stomach and making it jump.

The horse ran around crazy and dropped Bakura off it's back though dragging him head first on the floor.

"Ow!" Bakura screamed crying. His foot got unhooked from the saddle and the horse was free.

"Free! You're free! Freedom! Go! Go run! You're free!" Bakura said grabbing a handkerchief, crying and waving goodbye to the horse.

The horse neighed dramatically and was captured by the farmers.

"So much for that." Bakura said walking away putting a hat on to cover his missing hair from his horse incident.

"Piggy time!" He said running up to the big section. "Whoa! What's Marik doing there?" Bakura asked himself looking at a fat pig.

Bakura sat on the fence swaying his legs watching the pigs laze away in the mud eating slop.

"They…have the right idea of living." Bakura said sighing dreamily.

Some kid pushed Bakura in the mud and laughed.

A pig strolled along and made a comfortable bed out of Bakura.

"Ahh! Ah! Ah!" Bakura screamed kicking up.

The pig shitted on him and got off.

"Fuck! I'm full of fucking shit!" He screamed angrily.

It was getting late. The sun was going down.

"Last section before I go home." Bakura said tiredly and wiping shit, dirt and hay off him.

"Baaa." A goat and sheep said.

"Who's dying?" Bakura asked himself. "Let it be Marik." He prayed.

He saw the little babies petting the goats and sheep and went into the pen.

"Hello Mr. Goat." He said petting the goat.

He felt something rub on his ass and turned around. "Oh hi Mr. Sheep." He said petting the sheep.

He felt something tug at his shirt and saw 3 more goats. "Oh hello Mr. Goats. It's my first time here." Bakura explained to them.

The goat sniffed him.

"I smell good don't I?" He asked the goat.

The goat and sheep started biting his clothes and ripping them.

"Ahh! Molest! Molest! Rape! Rape! I'm being raped by goats and sheep!" Bakura screamed.

They tore half his shirt and pants and shitted on him for the finish.

"I hate the petting zoo!" He screamed pushing some kid out of the way and walking out half naked from the goat and sheep pen.

I was pitch black and Bakura was still wandering the petting zoo.

"Ryou! Ryou! Where are you Ryou!" He called out.

He sniffed and sneezed and rubbed his dirty smelly shitty arms for warmth.

"Ryou wouldn't leave me here would he?" Bakura asked himself sitting in some hay.

He was half asleep in some hay and heard someone calling out to him.

"There you are Bakura. Let's go home." Marik said carrying him.

Bakura woke up to the sound of a light party and cheering. He was in his bed and saw the Marik germs having a Hawaiian party on his body. "Ah! Ahhh!" He screamed spraying himself.

"Party pooper!" The German germs said dying.

Ryou came in Bakura's room with a bowl of soup.

'Hi." Bakura said.

"Hi." Ryou said.

"What's with the soup?" Bakura asked.

"You're sick." Ryou said.

"Maybe it was the fumes from all the animals that shitted on me today. Try all of them!" Bakura said angrily.

Ryou bandaged all Bakura's cuts and used a massager to massage his messed up leg that was deformed by the bull attack.

"What's a sick Ryou?" Bakura asked sniffing.

"You'll see." Ryou said smiling. "Let's just hope you die from it. Bwahahahahaha." Ryou said laughing evilly.

"No Ryou. No-o-o-o-o. Evil laugh…that's a no-no." Bakura said.

"Really I thought I did it good." Ryou said.

"No…you didn't." Bakura said.

"Hmm." Ryou said.


End file.
